jun 01 2023


listening: be free - e. live ft. sally green
playing: sifas (eos final days)
working on: secretwip

wrow haven't posted in awhile. mostly because i prefer journaling on paper but also i've just been very offline these days.

it was bad for me last year so i took a months long hiatus off social media and now i can't get back into it. i've been trying but i last maybe a day before i'm like gootbye. it's why i've engaged so minimally with the socmed aspects of neocities. honestly, i joined to get away from shit like follower counts. i may eventually move to a different domain but for right now, neocities is good enough. (until teacake opens up again) (lol)

i've enjoyed going back to my lurker roots, but i know it's at odds with posting drawings online. if you draw it's expected of you to have some presence on socmed. it's like the only way to get commissions, get support, etc. etc. i haven't done commissions in literal years and i remember only getting three (3) from tumblr for like $7-$15 for a bust/half body. honestly i'm grateful that anyone paid me to draw their ocs. (i wanted to get an irlmonies UR ticket to try and get job kanan on sif, instead i got a dupe of yukata kanan lmaooo, i did eventually pull job kanan. rip sif.)

but it was SO hard, at the time i had maybe 1000+ followers? i drew okay, got decent engagement. still, it was like pulling teeth to get commissions. what i took from the experience is that people would click like on my drawings but not necessarily pay for them so. i haven't done commissions since. now i kinda wanna try again (yes i wanna buy rando stuff, but also to upgrade the cheap $125 ipad i've using since 2019 that i brought it off craigslist. also also i liked drawing ppl's ocs lol.) but i don't know. i thought about patreon too before realizing i don't draw enough or have anything good enough to pay for. and i don't draw nsfw. i wish, i admire a lot of nsfw artists but i don't have enough practice so :( sad face.

but i can't do any of that without socmed, specifically twitter. i dunno about tumblr, i way way WAY prefer it over twitter but it's not as active. twitter sucks tho like it fucking sucks. legit the worse socmed i've had the displeasure of using.

it has done incalculable damage to my mental health in general (not even going to start) and my relationship to drawing. i was one of those people who placed waaaay too much value on likes, followers, etc. what the fuck. it was so bad dude.

i was so stupid like what was i doing??? i originally started posting online just for my ocs. legit that's the only reason i started drawing in the first place. i didn't need a huge audience. when i was posting my super crappy drawings on tumblr with like five other people i was happy. i want that back. i didn't care about the algorithm or views or whatever. i just wanted someone else to like my silly drawings of my silly characters. ignorance really is bliss. (this certified classic pops in my head every time i see that phrase lol)

i'm trying to be like that again, drawing what i want when i want. the downside is i don't have the urge to post online anymore. i don't use twitter much. instead, i have an empty instagram account to watch stationery vids and lurk on r/stupiddovenests, r/whatisthissnake, and stuff. i'm barely on my priv/personal twitter anymore. probably would've deleted it already if it wasn't the only way for me to keep up with my friends + artists i like. what's funny is my style's shifted a little since my twitter hiatus. i'm not really thinking appeal or anything anymore, going back to my og drawing inspos like flcl.

like these drawings of my oc december from early 2022

compared to the redraw early 2023 lol

not that much different but! also decided to give her droopy eyes.. i think it fits her more lol

still, my problem is.. i kinda need an online presence lol. not just for commissions (lol) but for the hashtag secretwip i'm working on.. but i dunno how that'll turn out or when i'll be actively posting again.

i'll like to regularly update this site though! i reeeeally wanna work on the ocs section but i'm busy writing other stuff rn (eyes emoji) but i'd like to upload one (1) profile. also have new ocs + old ocs to revamp.. also need to finish my pokemon page.. much to think about

in other news, we love katamari reroll tomorrow :D also spiderverse 2! also sizzle season for splatoon 3, they done fucked up and gave one of my mains (splatana wiper) missiles, deserved because they removed it from the orange nzap :( now if one of my mains get my fav special inkstorm??? (stares at the nzap 83) fingers crossssed

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